Part 1

            Per te, per sempre, a phrase from the mind of an old friend of mine. It really combines the titles of two Italian songs, and translates to ‘for you, forever’.

            Let me take you on a journey of self-discovery, self-hate, self-love, friendships, relationships, downfalls, uphills, broken hearts, and wounded souls.

            Like all stories, mine started in university, where I met people, because of yours truly, fate and destiny, and well, you’ll figure the rest out soon enough.

            For starters, my name is Gaia, I am 24 years old, recently graduated from a university in the US with degrees in Journalism and Political Science. For the past few months I have been working behind the scenes in a News Station where I basically write out the news you hear every day. So really, I have plenty of time to write, quite frankly, it’s all I do.

            I’ll now take you back to when it all started, 7 years ago, when I was a 17-year-old highschool graduate about to leave her family and everything behind.

In the airport, mama hugging/suffocating me.

Me: mama, I’ll be fine, I swear.

Mama, as she sobs, and cries: be careful, don’t talk to strangers, don’t trust anyone, especially guys, don’t stay out late, don’t go to bars, or clubs, stay away from alleys, don’t –

Me: you said it all already, don’t worry, I’ll miss my flight, so please can you let me go?

I honestly couldn’t wait to leave, it was a childhood’s dream of mine to study abroad, away from my family, and everyone I know.

Baba: take care sweetie.

He hugged me, kissed my forehead and patted my back, I could see the tears in his eyes, I mean after all, his eldest daughter was going away to college, leaving them behind with my 15-year-old brother, Omar, and 10-year-old sister, Lujain.

I hugged all my siblings goodbye, and my mom, once again.

Me: I’ll see you guys in Christmas.

Mama shook her head and said: winter, winter, we don’t have Christmas.

My parents were your typical Arab, traditional parents, that were somewhat close minded to the ideas of the west.

I laughed, nodded, and waved goodbye as I passed the check in counters, and headed to passport control.

I sighed, loudly, the second my back hit the couch in the lounge. I was pretty tired, it was 6 in the morning, I have absolutely no sleep in my system and I have to catch a flight to Dubai, then take another one to the US.

I took out my laptop, and scrolled down my tumblr’s dashboard, liking and reblogging every picture and quote I can relate to

“if it’s real, it’ll never be over”

“forever.”

“kiss me.”

“I miss you.”

“I am lost.”

“A picture of Lana Del Rey, Summertime Sadness”

20 minutes in, I got bored, so I put my laptop away, and began to daydream of all the things I wanted to do, one of them being to fall in love, and find the one, and others go on late night rides, and watch the sun rise with my friends, go sky diving, do everything my parents were too scared to let me do, etc etc..

And suddenly, my reveries ended, and I was brought back to reality by the sound of the lady over the intercom calling my flight.

I got up, re-packed my carryon, and walked to my gate.

I boarded my flight, made sure I got a window-seat, and sat back after texting my mom telling her I am about to take off.  I put my headphones over my head, playing random songs, and moving my head along with the melodies.

I love to write, I love to dance, I love to run. I am the type of person that, at one point, tried doing everything, from horseback riding, to ballet, but never stuck to one thing; I’m afraid of commitment, mainly because I prefer a dynamic life, and I think change can be good, sometimes. I’m impulsive, and can be blunt. I’ve been told before that I have an attitude a girl shouldn’t have, and adults don’t really like me. You can see where this is going.

Anyway, I took a 3-hour long nap, basically, the entire flight, till we landed in Dubai. Went through customs, and all the legalities, then went to sit in the lounge.

I grabbed a can of coke and then a glass of orange juice, had a sandwich, scrolled through tumblr once again, twitter, facebook, and every website I could think of.

My phone rang, and ‘mama’ flashed on the screen. I shook my head and laughed, I have only been gone for 7 hours, and they’re already worried.

I picked up, because if I didn’t, well, she’d freak out.

Mama: Where are you now?

Me: hello to you too.

Mama went silent and impatient, waiting for my answer.

Me: Dubai, mama, Dubai, you know my route.

Mama: Didn’t I tell you to text me the second you land?

Me: I am tired, mama, I still have a long flight ahead of me, I haven’t been gone for long, yet.

Mama: Gaia, don’t make me regret sending you abroad.

Me: okay, okay, I’m sorry.

Mama: when is your flight?

Me: it’s in 6 hours.

Mama: text me when you board, right before you take off, and when you land -

Me: alright.

Mama: I’m not done, when you pass through customs, get your luggage, get to the dorms –

You know what? I’ll just call you. I better not find your phone off young lady.

Me: can I talk to baba?

Mama: he’s asleep.

Me: you should sleep too, I’ll be okay.

Mama: You better be, bye now, take care.

Me: by-

And before I could finish my bye, my mom hung up.

6 hours later, it was finally time to board, I sent my mom a text, like she wanted, turned my phone off, took my seat, and sat there, waiting for the flight to take off, and for this journey to start.

Back to the present –

-: Gaia!

Me: Yes?

I look back to see Sarah, one of the news anchors, holding a bunch of papers in her hand.

Sarah: what’s this?

Me: what?

Sarah: does this really sound like something I’d read?

Me: Talk to Daniel, he’s the producer, all I do is write out the script.

Sarah huffed and puffed.

Me: Why don’t you write it?

You see, not everyone was allowed to write.

Sarah: Why don’t you present it?

Everyone in this station knew that I was unable to present, mainly because of my screwed-up self-confidence, more like, the lack of.

I have light brown hair with blonde highlights, I wear glasses, ones with frames bigger than my face, I’m light skinned, with really dark brown eyes, I have a baby face, I am kind of tiny, but kind of tall. I don’t wear make-up, I am always in super casual clothes, and so, I really prefer staying in the background.

Me: Go talk to Daniel, or give it to I don’t know who.

I waved my hand, pointing at all the other news anchors in the room, as my gaze shifted back to the laptop screen in front of me.

She sighed angrily and walked away.

10 minutes later, the 5pm broadcast started, and guess what? She had to present what I wrote.

Sarah: Good evening, and today’s headlines –